My World is a Little Darker Today

I'd like to say that I don't often bring my work home with me. However, that is not the case. I don't actually physically bring my work home with me (well, not often anyway), but I most definitely bring my work home with me on an emotional level. I don't know how I couldn't. This evening, I felt it. This goes against some peoples beliefs and opinions that you should put up barriers and boundaries when working with people in the "helping profession." Don't get me wrong, I totally agree with this, in most regards. I consiously made the decision to pass that boundary, or ignore it if you will, for a particular situation. I have never regretted that decision.

The hard thing in my line of work is I lose people. Always. It is part of working with the elderly. It always gets to me. How could it not. Sometimes I am more touched by the loss of someone than other times. One instance is a particular client, or "participant" as we call them. I can't explain the connection, but it has been there since about day one of my working at this site. I would decribe her as the light of my life. She most definitely was and is one of them. I love her, truly. I also love her family. She resides with her daughter and son-in-law. They sort of adopted me, in a way, and allowed me to be a part of their life, of their family. I will forever be grateful for the blessing they have been.

This weekend has been sort of melancholy, and maybe my heart knew why and was preparing itself. This evening I was making my bed, doing laundry, typical weekend chores on what, in all appearances was a typical weekend. My phone rang, the first time all day, which isn't uncommon. The caller ID stated the number was "Restricted." There is only one number that calls me that is restricted. I actually sat down before I answered. I knew what was coming. It was 'M' and she told me my dear 'B' had died. I cry again thinking about it. She immediately invited me to their home, again, welcoming me into their world. 'B' was going to be "laying in state" so to speak for the evening. I was invited into their realm to see 'B' and say goodbye. I said I'd be right there. How could I not. I needed to do this for myself. I knew I'd regret not going if I didn't go. I made my way over to that side of town.

There was a black cloth hanging from their porch light when I arrived. I was greeted by an open door and by open arms. I was escorted to B's room, where a single candle was burning and a single rose was in a vase on a table at the foot of her bed. I held her hand. I cried. I remembered all the times we have had together. The ups, the downs. I thanked God that she is no longer in pain. I thanked God for allowing me to be a part of her life, of her family.

After I said goodbye I joined the family and we shared memories. We laughed. My eyes still stung. I felt at peace among them. I always do. Thank you for that. And bless you.