My mind at the moment

I have been on a role the last couple of weeks (actually months) and someone asked me today why I was "all over the place". I started thinking and I don't know exactly why, but I have a feeling that it's all the little and not so little things in life that seem to be stacking up. The unfortunate part of it is that most of it is happening in my mind, and thank you, but it isn't "in my mind" in a bad way. I have just had lots of things on my mind and am getting all worked up (in a good way) about them. I was talking to a friend today and I think I've pin-pointed the "beginning" of the sporadic phase I am in. I was debating about applying for another job, and I feel justified in writing this in my blog because the general populous at my workplace is aware that I was considering this. And I wouldn't have left the organization, just change where I was in it. I was hot and cold hour by hour for weeks.

After making a few lists (I make lots of lists), a late night conversation with a friend on a dark freeway and then more thinking (which by the way I was getting tired of doing constantly about this decision I was needing to make) I was again driving and this feeling just, and I say this in all honestly as it is the best way to describe it, smacked me between my eyes. I had this rush of relief that washed over me. I've tried to describe the moment to others and that is the best I can do. After telling the person with hiring responsibility that I WAS NOT going to apply for the position (without really having a substantial reason besides that it just didn't feel right) I couldn't stop smiling. I was elated and knew then that I had made the right decision.

Once that decision process was completed in my brain I was able to focus my energy elsewhere. I have always wanted to go back to school to get my Master's degree and am finally looking at doing that. Still debating about the logistics and have lots of things to figure out, but hopefully by 2011 (yes I need to plan that far out as I am anal about having plans) I will be in a Master's program. And that was a whole other decision that was playing tug of war in my brain. I, at the moment, have settled on getting on MSW (Master's of Social Work) and I've been settled on that for a while now, so hopefully it sticks, as I feel that would be a good route for me.

And then, my little (but bigger) brother made a move to Washington D.C. recently, which just progressed my "all over the place" mindset and actions. The reason you ask? Well, I sort of have this problem that I refer to as wanderlust. I LOVE to travel and see new places. Never have been to D.C., but always wanted to go. I asked him when he was accepting visitors and he said whenever. I have tentatively set a vacation for this coming spring, assuming the fundraising for the trip goes well.

After starting to think about this trip, I decided to crack open an old journal where I had once upon a time recorded my list of things to do before I die (I was spurred on because visiting D.C. is on that list). Got it out, read through it and checked off what I have done! Woohoo for those things and experiences. Then I decided it needed to be bulked up some as there are many more things I would like to do that have come to mind in the last year or two. So I dug in and have a very comprehensive list...2 columns on an 8.5x11 sheet of paper at 10point with a small font. I decided I better get busy if I was going to be successful in checking things off. And thus, here I am with all of this energy and attempting to add spice to my life and complete some of these tasks, experience some of these experiences and enjoy life to the fullest as you never know when your last day will arrive.

I also decided that I would complete a scrapbook--yes Mom...getting started again (hopefully)--that contains all the pictures and commentary on those things on my "List". Some of the items on my list aren't able to be photographed and some I will never tell another soul about as they are that personal to me, but for the photo worthy events I will compile and share via blog with anyone who cares to read and see the story of my life.

Hmmm....long blog, welcome to my brain.